Happiness is Overrated

When you hear the word happiness, what instantly comes to mind? When you think about being happy, what does that look like to you? Everyone has ideas of what happiness looks like. Social media constantly bombards us with examples of happiness. Every minute of the day, advertisements tell us if we buy this one product we will be happy.

Merriam-Webster defines happiness as, “a state of well-being and contentment” and as, “a pleasurable or satisfying experience.” That sounds great in theory, but does doing the dishes count as happiness? Because the dishes have to be done, but it is not necessarily a pleasurable experience. How about arguing with your teenager over homework? Is that a pleasurable experience. What about that hour commute to work, is that a pleasurable experience? Do these things “make” us happy?

Is happiness having no stress and being able to get up whenever we want, watch television all day and then go to bed whenever we want? Personally, I would rather do the dishes than sit all day and do nothing! What does happiness look like to you?

Happiness is overrated. Yep. You read that right. Our attempts to find happiness are a trap and actually lead to more unhappiness.

Let’s think about that for a moment. Think of the last item you bought. That item you had wanted for a really long time. You read about it for weeks. You thought about having it. Having the item in your possession made you excited, made you happy! After weeks or months or maybe even years, you finally purchased it. Tada! You were finally happy! For about 30 seconds and then you stumbled across another item that, if you only got it, you would truly be happy.

Or maybe you are a goal setter and high achiever. You set a big audacious hairy goal! You worked on it all year. You visualized it. You spoke it into existence. You took daily massive action to achieve it. And bam! All your effort paid off and you achieved your goal. Now you are happy! Or did you then sit down, without celebrating your win, and start thinking of the next goal you wanted to achieve?

The point is that we tie happiness too much to things and achievements. We think happiness is some mark to be met, some item to be purchase, some lifestyle to acquire. Society certainly defines happiness this way. Everything we hear and see all day long describes happiness as get more, do more, achieve more. More….

Sadly, even the personal development space has bought into the Happiness Myth. I was listening to one of my favorite podcasters the other day and he talked about achieving happiness. Personal development influencers peddle happiness as much as television ads and social media posts.

So, is trying to be happy the answer? And if it is not, then what should we be giving our energy and effort to?

Great questions!

You and I are meant to enjoy life to the full. We are meant to embrace the moment we are in and come away with lasting memories. We are meant to capture the moment in front of us and cherish it. Sometimes that moment is a happy moment. Sometimes that moment is a frustrating moment. Sometimes that moment is fun. Sometimes that moment is mundane. Regardless of the moment, embrace it to the full.

Sometimes you have a fight with your significant other or your adult child. Sometimes you deal with the death of a loved one or terrible news about your health. Sometimes you lose your job. The examples go on and on. The point is that life sucks sometimes.

We need to embrace the sucky moments of life. We need to be fully present to the pain that is before us, no matter what it is. Because the hard moments are what makes us. How we respond to the suck is what defines us. The hardest moments are what make us who we are.

Happiness should not be our goal. Rather, being present in the moment should be our goal. Taking away lasting memories from the moment we are in should be our focus. Because memories are what stay with us forever. Those moments we neglect are the moments that make us who we are and who we will be.

So, instead of seeking happiness, seek to enjoy the present moment. Seek to be present in the here and now. Even if it is painful. Even if it sucks. Even if it is mundane. Be present. Make it a lasting memory. Learn from it.